Saturday 12 January 2013

If I had a talking picture

Ecce Duchess of Cambridge 

Art critics clashed yesterday about the new portrait of the Duchess of Cambridge. 

Brian Sewell, who is an expert on miniatures since his days of viewing pictures taken on tiny cameras by spies, said that it was about as good an effort as David Hockney was ever likely to make, seeing as how he normally paints trees purple. 

Prince Charles, whose collection of  novelty toilet roll covers is said to include a jeweled one in the shape of a hawk from the Saudi Royal Family, said he didn't mind so long as they put it in a gallery which was properly half-timbered.

Her Majesty The Queen peered at it knowledgeably and asked the artist "And how long have you been a portrait painter?"

Prince William, the Duke of Cambridge, refused to answer the trick question and said that he was thankful to have married a woman who, like his grandmother, did not change her hairstyle, which was always beautiful.   But if she did change her hairstyle, that would be beautiful too.

He also wisely declined to comment on whether the Duchess was packing it on as the pregnancy progressed but snappers none the less made efforts to get the burgeoning mum-to-be to stand against the light and turn sideways.


Barnacle Bill said...

Prince Charles's jeweled toilet roll holder has rubies for the eyes, with the size of his "throne" room, these eyes spookily follow you around the interior!

Meanwhile Bootler Broon, renowned expenses artiste from north of the border, said it was a good likeness, but he was worried about the placing of the third eye.

MTG said...

Not bad. Yet this endearing image begs the cutout filter and tiling in order to create a distinct Warhol presentation.

Mac the Knife said...

' Her Majesty The Queen peered at it knowledgeably and asked the artist "And how long have you been a portrait painter?"',

I'm more inclined to suspect she turned to him and said, "And what do you do for a living?"...

JuliaM said...

"Prince Charles, whose collection of novelty toilet roll covers ..."


Anonymous said...

If you look carefully you can see "Taken on my Ipad" in the bottom centre.

Dick the Prick said...

Dearest WoaR

I trust inclement weather is kinda cool.

I have concerns. I remain quite worried. Been going over Stanislav's rants and gobbing tea over keyboard is surprising at my age!

Huge hugs


Woman on a Raft said...

Yes, it is worrying. However, he was quite tired and maybelosing his friend and dog maybe meant he just wants to be with people, which is sensible.

Also, some of the subjects he instructed himself to look at are corrosive to the soul. It isn't wise to be permanently exposed to that. Time off the web would improve his health rather than damage it.

You deal with, or have dealt with, political types and you know how that makes one reach for the whiskey by lunchtime. It's like dealing with radio-active spillage; the risk is minimized when there are lots of people doing it for five minutes each, no more. He tended to stay on a story for much longer than could reasonably be expected of a human - you only have to look at the sweep of the Sunday reviews.

It's possible his missus just said she was fed up with him upsetting himself and told him not to do it any more, get out and enjoy the garden. Good. It's a magnificent garden. I hope he got the chimney sorted.

DtP said...

I truly hope so and that does make lots of sense as he must have put at least some effort into getting furious. Perhaps banished to the snug with an enforced diet of red wine (can diabetics drink that?) and 60's blues with ample supply of esoteric books on 18th Century revisionist furniture reproduction.

Ay, that does make sense. Quadruple sounds like a few ruples too many, frankly. Muchos gracias.