Wednesday, 16 February 2011

Earthly Remains


Anna Raccoon is looking in to the business of earthly remains after cremation; specifically what happens to metallic parts.

A check through the terms and conditions of the city crematorium for Silicon Fen showed they were fully aware of this. If you wish, they can deal with it or you can collect the recovered metals yourself, so long as you pick them up within two weeks. Fair enough.

There are other instructions:
The coffin must only contain the body of the deceased
And nobody else under normal conditions, capice?
All the shrouds and/or clothing must be of natural fibres e.g cotton, wool, silk etc.
If modom does not know the difference between an acrylic ManU strip and a Fair Trade long-staple cotton tee, our fashionistas will check the fibre content for her.
Shoes or any material manufactured from PVC should not be included.
Lil'ole farm bois will have to take off their gumboots. Crocs likewise.
NO GLASS, BATTERIES or MOBILE PHONES.
Where he's going, there isn't any coverage.

7 comments:

JuliaM said...

I wonder if the warning against nothing other than the body is to discourage anyone from having their pet's body in with them?

Though why should that concern the council?

Woman on a Raft said...

As there is a pet crematorium just down the road, maybe they have a non-competition agreement.

It wouldn't be fair if the public sector offered BOGOFs.

Elby the Beserk said...

Julia,

EVERYTHING concerns the council these days. I recall some bloke being interviewed about yet another council Stasi type hoo-hah, and saying that one of his jobs was to scan local papers to look for "unlicensed activities".

You have been warned.

Max Farquar said...

"Where he's going, there isn't any coverage."
Priceless! Thanks for making oi larf after a rather tiresome day. Btw, I think I'll have to change my will after reading your post ... doesn't sound like they're going to allow a laptop and the latest copy of photoshop to 'go with me on the journey' then. Shame, I rather fancied doing a few pisstakes of Lucifer and all those corrupt MPs, whilst I was down there ;-)

Joe Public said...

"The coffin must only contain the body of the deceased"

I suppose that prevents the Council being sued by a necrophiliac, caught in flagrante delicto in more ways than one.

Bill Quango MP said...

That's going to ruin this episode of Columbo.Ashes to ashes.

{the shrapnel in the old general's body eventually gives the killer away.}

NickM said...

"Where he's going, there isn't any coverage."

Genius! Actually where I live I haven't got any coverage. Is there something I ought to know?